Bullying in general
This page was created to focus on bullying issues that affect boys, as well as a few that everyone is subject to. In a perfect world, this website (along with countless others) would not need to be created, but unfortunately, that is not the case, so I will run over some important points and FAQs to help you understand why bullying happens, and what you can do to help yourself (and maybe others).
"Why do bullies do what they do?"
There are many reasons that they do this, but it can be anything from insecurity to child abuse. If a bully is insecure about himself, whether it be about his looks, grades, personality, future, etc., he will target vulnerable people so they are put at a lower, more insecure level than the bully. That way, the bully feels he is no longer at the bottom of the food chain.
Another more obvious reason is because they have anger/depression management issues. When they get more and more angry about something, they take it out on the nearest vulnerable person to calm them down.
One other possibility is abuse from either parents or other kids. Yep, they might have been bullied by someone a while ago, and the only way they could stand as tall as their bully was to bully other people with them. Parents can count as well. They can have a huge impact on a kid's/teen's life. If they mistreated them or had violent behaviors, the to-be bully will learn these behaviors and inherit them.
What can I do to end it? I want this to stop.
We all do, but unfortunately it is not easy, as you probably know. Thus, the biggest way to not become the victim, is to not label yourself as the victim. As previously mentioned, bullies love reactions. If you do not react, they will disappear. As always, it is not that black and white. Anyone in your situation would have an incredibly hard time suppressing emotion. This mostly applies to verbal bullying, but can also be used in physical bullying (like getting punched or being bothered by touching you). The less reaction you show to insults (or sometimes pain), the less you will have to endure. When I was younger, I had a major anxiety to being misunderstood, so bullies took advantage of that. If they said I was gay or something, I would get furious and correct them that I was not. I suppose subconciously I was thinking he would spread rumors and everyone would think I was gay. Fortunately, bullies do not have the patience to go around and spread rumors. They are all about instant satisfaction.
But they did spread a rumor about me! This is ruining my life!
That is uncommon, but when it does happen, use the same tactic: ignorance. Do not bring it up ever, and if someone does, then just ignore them. Odds are, everyone will just forget about it, because they don't really care that much.
This rumor has stuck with me for years though, you don't understand!
Well that is extremely uncommon, but the only thing you can do is keep ignoring it. If you absolutely cannot do that, then talk to an authority, like a principle or dean, as this is likely to happen in a school setting. If that does not work and they do not take action, then maybe it is time to look for a different school.
Ok, well is there any other methods to help me, other than avoiding and ignoring it?
Yes. Like I said, you can always talk to authorities like principles or deans, but another thing you can try is getting friend support. If you have a couple people that you know will have your back, have them back you up if you are about to get bullied. Let them tell the bully it is not worth it, and they have more important things to do. If the bully is about to start a fight and your friends are not around, tell them that it is not worth fighting over, and it is a waste of your time. Just walk away from the fights. Retaliating will only make things worse.
Bullying specific to boys
What does this have to do with being a boy?
Boys have one specific trait that bullies tend to dwell on. Strength. They like to validate that they are stronger than someone weaker than them. The problem is, you are actually stronger than them. Sure, they claim they can bench twice as much as you, but mentally, you have the upper hand. At some point in a victims life, there will be a breaking point, and a bully is trying to reach it. If it takes to long to find, they will move to another victim. In order to show that they will never reach your breaking point, take everything they throw at you as a joke. Not like a HAHAHA joke, but shrug it off and maybe give a little chuckle. Give them a look that says they are being stupid. This often will infuriate them, so keep doing it. If you show any bit of resistance, they will use that as a foothold and keep going. Keep at it with the "Dude, I gotta get to my next class".
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, (or typos D:) feel free to contact me on the contact page or visit the links page for more information.
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