Bullying in general
This page was created to focus on bullying issues that affect girls, as well as a few that everyone is subject to. In a perfect world, this website (along with countless others) would not need to be created, but unfortunately, that is not the case, so I will run over some important points and FAQs to help you understand why bullying happens, and what you can do to help yourself (and maybe others).
"Why do bullies do what they do?"
There are many reasons that they do this, but it can be anything from insecurity to child abuse. If a bully is insecure about himself, whether it be about his looks, grades, personality, future, etc., he will target vulnerable people so they are put at a lower, more insecure level than the bully. That way, the bully feels he is no longer at the bottom of the food chain.
Another more obvious reason is because they have anger/depression management issues. When they get more and more angry about something, they take it out on the nearest vulnerable person to calm them down.
One other possibility is abuse from either parents or other kids. Yep, they might have been bullied by someone a while ago, and the only way they could stand as tall as their bully was to bully other people with them. Parents can count as well. They can have a huge impact on a kid's/teen's life. If they mistreated them or had violent behaviors, the to-be bully will learn these behaviors and inherit them.
What can I do to end it? I want this to stop.
We all do, but unfortunately it is not easy, as you probably know. Thus, the biggest way to not become the victim, is to not label yourself as the victim. As previously mentioned, bullies love reactions. If you do not react, they will disappear. As always, it is not that black and white. Anyone in your situation would have an incredibly hard time suppressing emotion. This mostly applies to verbal bullying, but can also be used in physical bullying (like getting punched or being bothered by touching you). The less reaction you show to insults (or sometimes pain), the less you will have to endure. When I was younger, I had a major anxiety to being misunderstood, so bullies took advantage of that. If they said I was gay or something, I would get furious and correct them that I was not. I suppose subconciously I was thinking he would spread rumors and everyone would think I was gay. Fortunately, bullies do not have the patience to go around and spread rumors. They are all about instant satisfaction.
But they did spread a rumor about me! This is ruining my life!
That is uncommon, but when it does happen, use the same tactic: ignorance. Do not bring it up ever, and if someone does, then just ignore them. Odds are, everyone will just forget about it, because they don't really care that much.
This rumor has stuck with me for years though, you don't understand!
Well that is extremely uncommon, but the only thing you can do is keep ignoring it. If you absolutely cannot do that, then talk to an authority, like a principle or dean, as this is likely to happen in a school setting. If that does not work and they do not take action, then maybe it is time to look for a different school.
Ok, well is there any other methods to help me, other than avoiding and ignoring it?
Yes. Like I said, you can always talk to authorities like principles or deans, but another thing you can try is getting friend support. If you have a couple people that you know will have your back, have them back you up if you are about to get bullied. Let them tell the bully it is not worth it, and they have more important things to do. If the bully is about to start a fight and your friends are not around, tell them that it is not worth fighting over, and it is a waste of your time. Just walk away from the fights. Retaliating will only make things worse.
Bullying specific to girls
What does this have to do with being a girl?
Sadly, we live in a generation where sexual bullying is becoming more brutal, especially online. The other day, I was on a social app and I quickly noticed the trend on how the guys on there were treating girls. They would ask for sexual pictures, the girl would decline, and then the guy would lash out and usually call the girl a "derogatory name for a sexually promiscuous woman" (I have to keep it PG). It took me a second to process how incorrect that was. She is clearly the opposite if she declined to do those things. Anyways, I saw that this was happening more and more, and this was actually one of the reasons I created this site. They would use such foul language. I saw how deeply these words cut into these girls, and I needed to do something about it.
The reason they do this is because of the reasons above, plus the additional reason that they want to use you and get in your pants. But often, the guy would see you as way out of his league. He is correct. Because he is trash. To "fix" this problem, shaming and bullying occur to make up for the difference. If a girl is bullying a girl, then it is (usually) about popularity, and similar to the previously described scenarios. (Of course, in non-typical circumstances, it could be based on an argument or relationship conflict, etc., too.) They think you are better than them, and they do not like that.
To dispute some of the things they say, take for example if they say you are fat. The "fat" you probably see is just natural fat/muscle required by the body to store energy. It is not unattractive. If you insist you are overweight, becoming malnourished is not the only way to lose weight. Eat healthy, and exercise. It is as simple as that. I am not a gym coach so I cannot really help you with that. Talk to a professional, whether it be a psychiatrist or a dietician/trainer.
One important note.
You will be surprised what you can do with being assertive. I had a friend that would always get her behind touched by a few guys every day. She had talked to teachers about it, but nothing happned. I encouraged her to talk to someone higher up and threaten to leave the school if it continued. I kid you not, the guys got expelled that day.
Don't let what people say get to your head. They are always making that stuff up to mess with your thoughts. Ignore them, and they will vanish.
Not in conclusion
No, I am not saying you should not trust anyone, and never believe anything. All I am saying is think about who you are talking to. If your best friend compliments you, take it. If some random jerk at school compliments you sexually, chances are he does not mean it and/or is trying to take advantage of you. Just remember these things: Be careful, ignore bullies, and if situations do not change, take action by talking to an authority and press them until conditions change.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, (or typos D:) feel free to contact me on the contact page or visit the links page for more information.
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